How Trauma Can Shake Your Self-Worth (And How to Rebuild It)
How Trauma Can Shake Your Self-Worth (And How to Rebuild It)
Our sense of self-worth is the foundation of how we view ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we approach life’s challenges. But for those who have experienced trauma, this foundation can be severely shaken. The pain and emotional scars from trauma often create deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy, shame, and disconnection. However, healing is possible, and with the right tools, you can rebuild a resilient sense of self-worth that empowers you to thrive.
How Trauma Affects Self-Worth
Trauma doesn’t just affect the mind—it seeps into the body and heart, reshaping how we perceive ourselves. Whether it stems from childhood neglect, abuse, betrayal, or a traumatic event in adulthood, trauma often sends messages like:
- “You are not worthy of love.”
- “You are not good enough.”
- “You will always be defined by what happened to you.”
These messages become embedded in our core beliefs, leading to cycles of negative self-talk, self-blame, and feelings of unworthiness. This can affect every aspect of life, from relationships to career aspirations and overall well-being.
“It took me a long time to trust—not just others, but myself. I had mastered the art of giving physically, yet emotionally, I remained guarded. The truth was, I didn’t know how to trust. I didn’t trust my own intuition, nor did I believe I was worthy of love. I craved connection, yet when love was offered, I struggled to accept it, convinced that no one could truly love me if they really saw me.
I built walls, not to keep others out, but to protect the fragile parts of myself that feared rejection, abandonment, and pain. I silenced my own needs, believing they were too much or not enough. But slowly, with time and self-discovery, I began to lower those walls—brick by brick. I learned that trust isn’t just about others proving themselves to me; it’s about trusting myself enough to be vulnerable. I started to open up, to recognise my own worth, and to communicate my wants and needs—not from a place of fear, but from a place of self-respect.
Healing wasn’t instant, and self-worth wasn’t built overnight. But I finally created space for real love—love that wasn’t about proving my worth, but about embracing it.”
The Science Behind Self-Worth and Trauma
Positive psychology teaches us that self-worth is an intrinsic part of who we are—it’s not something that can be given or taken away based on external circumstances. However, trauma creates a disconnect, making us feel as though our worth is diminished.
Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion highlights the importance of treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a friend. Similarly, cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) emphasises identifying and challenging the distorted beliefs that contribute to low self-worth.
Evidence suggests that rewriting negative core beliefs and practicing self-compassion can lead to profound changes in how trauma survivors perceive themselves.
Steps to Rebuild Your Self-Worth After Trauma
1. Recognise and Challenge Negative Beliefs
The first step is awareness. Take note of the self-defeating thoughts that arise when you face challenges. These thought may sound like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a failure.” Write them down and ask yourself: Would I say this to someone I care about? If not, reframe it.
- Example: Change “I failed, so I’m a failure” to “I failed this time, but failure is part of learning.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks are part of the journey. When you encounter them, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Use self-compassion exercises like placing a hand on your heart and saying, “I am worthy of kindness, even when I’m struggling.”
3. Rewrite Your Narrative
Narrative therapy can help you reinterpret the story you tell yourself about your trauma. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, reframe your narrative to highlight your resilience and the strengths you’ve developed along the way.
- Exercise: Write a letter to your younger self, acknowledging the pain but also recognizing the growth and courage you’ve shown.
4. Set Boundaries
Learning to say no is an act of self-worth. Boundaries protect your emotional and mental well-being, sending the message that your needs and feelings matter.
5 Surround Yourself with Support
Healing is often easier when you’re not doing it alone. Seek out supportive friends, family, or a trauma-informed therapist who can validate your experiences and provide guidance.
Why Healing Is Possible
It’s important to remember that self-worth is not something you need to earn—it’s something you uncover. Trauma may have buried it, but with self-compassion, patience, and the right tools, you can rediscover your intrinsic value. Each small step you take toward healing is a testament to your strength.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding self-worth after trauma isn’t easy, but it is one of the most rewarding journeys you can take. As you move forward, remember that healing doesn’t mean you forget what happened—it means you no longer let it define you. Your worth is infinite, and you have the power to reclaim it.
